Frustration, Heartache, and Smiles: Week 5

Our happy, healthy baby boy got sick this past week. When we were back in Pontiac for the funeral there were several people who had a cold that we were around. We thought we had beat it when a week later we didn't have it, until Monday rolled around. Rowan and I both started coughing a bit, but not much. I knew we were probably starting to get it so after talking with my mom I called the Dr.'s to see if there was anything I could do to try and slow down the progression of the cold. This was Tuesday and overnight our coughs had become more persistent and I was worried about Rowan being able to catch his breath if it got any worse. I talked to one of the nurses and she said just to watch his breathing and if his chest started dipping in or his nostrils were flaring and of course if he had a fever then they would want to see him. He did not have any of those symptoms at the time or throughout the rest of Tuesday so I just drank as much orange juice as I could stand and hoped for the best. By the time Tuesday night came around though it had gotten a lot worse and as I watched him sleep his chest was dipping in and nostrils were flaring. Needless to say I did not sleep much that night just watching him to make sure he was okay. I called the Dr. at 8 the next morning and asked for an appointment. Overnight the cough became croupy and much more persistent. I also sounded awful, but this kind of cough is common for me so I knew I could manage, it was Rowan I was worried about. He just looked like he felt miserable. The Dr. checked him out and said his lungs sounded fine so it was probably croup and there were 3 steps I needed to take. The first was sitting in a steamy hot bathroom (which we had already done), then if that didn't help put his head in the freezer so he could breathe in cold air and if he was really struggling to breath we needed to go to the ER. He also gave him a steroid to help the swelling in his throat go down. We went home and cuddled and napped and hoped for a better night.

Our happy baby boy really learned how to cry that night. He was miserable and nothing was working. He was just crying and crying, which made the coughing worse, which made him cry more. I felt SO bad for him. I didn't know how to help him and I felt like a horrible mom. At one point I was crying and completely overwhelmed. Ryan was doing everything he could but Rowan just wasn't having any of it. The hardest part was that he was also acting hungry. The cries were hunger cries, but I had been feeding him almost every hour from the time the steroid kicked in a couple hours after his appt. He usually eats every 3-4 hours so I wasn't used to this. My automatic bottles (as a friend calls them) were running dry and he wasn't full. I didn't know what to do. We have some formula bottles we had gotten from the hospital but I really didn't want to use them. I just kept trying to feed him, but it was beginning to become unbearable for me. (More on this later) He screamed straight for an hour or so and we finally decided to try a walk outside in the stroller. As soon as he was in and we were moving he was quiet and content. I have never felt so relieved in my life. We walked around for about 15 minutes then decided to head inside to see if he would fall asleep in his bed. It was just about midnight at this point and I think I had gotten him asleep by 12:40 which in all reality was not that bad, but it had felt like he had been crying for an eternity not a few hours. I of course couldn't sleep, but at least he kind of was. He was restless most of the night but still slept 5 hours.

The next two days each started to get better, but he has started to fight going to sleep at night. Some nights take longer then others some are just as they used to be. I have started rocking him which I love, but was hoping not to start till after all of our trips in June. His cough is almost completely gone and he is back to being my happy little boy.

Breastfeeding has become frustrating. I am glad I am nursing, but I will admit is not my favorite activity. As I mentioned before while he was sick he didn't seem to be getting enough. From the classes we took I knew that this might happen while my body tried to catch up to what he wants. I was extremely frustrated that it happened at the same time he got sick and just didn't know what to do. I was feeding as much as I could handle, but it was painful. We have also been having some trouble latching and staying latched. Rowan seems to be playing a game with me because he looks extremely happy when he latches then lets go and then latches again. I wouldn't mind if it didn't hurt so bad. We have good days and bad days so hopefully we figure it all out. I think my body has caught up to my growing boy so that is a plus!

Also while he was sick he started pushing himself up when laying on his belly. We were shocked by this and even more shocked when we sat him up and he held his head up for an extended amount of time. We were so happy!

On Friday we had a trip planned to see some of our close friends. As we were packing things up Ryan was playing with Rowan trying to get him to smile and he finally did! I ran and got the camera and got these shots.

We were so excited that we can finally make him smile and having been doing it as much as we can! Rowan probably thinks we are crazy people, but we are so I guess that is okay! It is crazy how much he is changing every day now. He no longer looks like a newborn baby, he is starting to look like a little man! It makes me a little sad, but I am really looking forward to watching his personality bloom.

We are looking forward to all of the changes that are starting to happen and watching our little boy grow!

-Nicki